Voice

All of my sisters and I suffered from extreme shyness and for the first twenty years of my life I was nearly mute in public. Making art was my favored language and I spent hours alone making drawings. I loved learning and going to school, but dreaded being called on in class. I didn't start to get beyond my shyness until I was a junior in college when I took a class on art and aesthetics. That course is where I found the nerve to raise my hand and voice my ideas and opinions. My act of bravery was precipitated by the over inflated egos of my male classmates and their often sexist commentaries. It was deeply liberating to finally be able to speak!

It took many years for me to overcome my self-consciousness in social situations. Teaching has helped me to resolve some of my distress as I become more confident and strong in my voice through guiding my students to their own footing. I still lack the ability to "work a room" and I'll never be an extrovert, but I am articulate and have a distinct voice that I want to share with the world.

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Grow

I've been teaching art for over ten years now and I always encourage my students to have new experiences; to keep growing. I've learned from my own practice that art can't happen in a void. I look at the work of other artists, but I'm also deeply inspired by feminist theory, literary criticism, film, and fashion. 

While I am a big proponent of personal growth, I often neglect to give myself time to take in new things.  In an effort to refuel my creative juices, I spent the day watching movies (it's something I've always wanted to do!) I watched The Silence by Ingmar Bergman, Lucebert: Time and Farewell by Jihan van der Keuken, Juliet of the Spirits by Frederico Fellini, and Werckmeister Harmonies by Bela Tarr. I don't know when I'll have another chance to devote an entire day to movies, but I'm going to make a concerted effort to watch at least one film a week in the future.

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Madly

2001 was a pretty big year in my life. I bought my house on Greenmount and vowed to get rid of old baggage that blocked my happiness. I met Bill in the fall when we both began working for the Baltimore arts journal Link. We had met a few times, but I didn't have a strong impression of him until we spent the day dismantling the Link office and moving it into a storage unit. We lugged boxes of the journal and talked nonstop about art, music, and movies. I got a crush on him and was excited when we made plans to see David Lynch's Mulholland Drive. I wasn't sure if it was a "real" date, but he brought me a small Howard Finster painting!! We talked for hours after the movie and I was smitten by his sweet charm and deep intellect (he also wore the best floral vintage shirts!) Soon after we began dating and we have been together since. It hasn't always been easy, but I love him madly and I'm happy that I have such a fabulous husband!

For the past three years, Bill and I endured a long-distance relationship between Baltimore and Murfreesboro, Tennessee. I decided to give up the commute and this fall we're packing up the pets, icons, and lots of books to relocate to Los Angeles. It's my first adventure with a partner and I'm excited to see how our future may unfold on the sunny coast!

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Family

There are six people in my immediate family, my father Delmar, my mother Maryellen and my three younger sisters, Pam, Angie, and Lisa. Growing up, we didn't have scheduled family time, but every so often we'd play Parcheesi or put a puzzle together. My sisters and I would become obsessed by working the puzzle and stayed up late to finish, often fighting over who got to put in the last piece. My sisters and I also loved to play the Catalog Game. We created the game which centered on the cherished Sears catalog. At the start of the game, each person had a cabin in the woods and nothing else. One would close their eyes, flip through the pages and slap their hand down on a random page, where one's hand landed would dictate their lot. We were always laughing riotously at the absurd twists of fate. I remember  getting pantyhose and a vacuum cleaner, when I really wanted a Barbie Styling Head (not practical, but we were always aiming for toys over appliances.) 

On Monday evening I did a puzzle with Pam and Lisa (we also had a some help from my Dad's cat Jaggers.) As could be predicted, Pam and I became obsessed by completing the puzzle and finished it before we went to bed.

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Vice

I eat too much sugar, curse often and sometimes drink more than I can reasonably handle. Even so, my worst vice is the NICOTINE! I am horrified to admit that I've smoked for nearly twenty years. I call myself a closet smoker, though many have witnessed my indulgence. I'm not one of those people who can say "I love smoking" though I do think it looks cool (see Marc Jacob's taking a drag.) Growing up I despised smoking. My father is a chain smoker and like many kids growing up in the 60s and 70s, I experienced my lot of smoke filled car rides with the windows shut tight. As a young person I was adamant in my distaste for the habit and I still hate the brown smell of my parents house.

Though I had resisted peer pressure throughout my college years, I fell into the nicotine pit in my mid-twenties. I was at a cross-roads in my life and lit up a cigarette on a pensive walk home from work one chilly Autumn night. At first I smoked a pack a month, relishing the quiet introspective moments of smoking. As time wore on, my intake increased and the habit became a way to "relax." While science shows that smoking is a stimulant, it always gave me the sense of a break from my focused mania.

I've tried to quit smoking on several occasions, and have failed. In the past year I was able to quit for seven months with the aid of Chantix.  Despite the nausea and wild flying dreams, it worked much better than anything I've tired in the past, but a stressful period in the fall derailed my plan. I quit smoking three weeks ago, once again with Chantix. I've slipped once, but I'm hopeful that I can finally break my nicotine addiction.

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