Vice

I eat too much sugar, curse often and sometimes drink more than I can reasonably handle. Even so, my worst vice is the NICOTINE! I am horrified to admit that I've smoked for nearly twenty years. I call myself a closet smoker, though many have witnessed my indulgence. I'm not one of those people who can say "I love smoking" though I do think it looks cool (see Marc Jacob's taking a drag.) Growing up I despised smoking. My father is a chain smoker and like many kids growing up in the 60s and 70s, I experienced my lot of smoke filled car rides with the windows shut tight. As a young person I was adamant in my distaste for the habit and I still hate the brown smell of my parents house.

Though I had resisted peer pressure throughout my college years, I fell into the nicotine pit in my mid-twenties. I was at a cross-roads in my life and lit up a cigarette on a pensive walk home from work one chilly Autumn night. At first I smoked a pack a month, relishing the quiet introspective moments of smoking. As time wore on, my intake increased and the habit became a way to "relax." While science shows that smoking is a stimulant, it always gave me the sense of a break from my focused mania.

I've tried to quit smoking on several occasions, and have failed. In the past year I was able to quit for seven months with the aid of Chantix.  Despite the nausea and wild flying dreams, it worked much better than anything I've tired in the past, but a stressful period in the fall derailed my plan. I quit smoking three weeks ago, once again with Chantix. I've slipped once, but I'm hopeful that I can finally break my nicotine addiction.